Nothing i do works.

And mom wont get off her butt and call a Psychiatrist.
Months ago, I would never admit that i had a problem, but now thats its actually breaking me down, Ill slap it on a banner and wave it around at the Central Mall if it got someone to just help me!

Ever since i was a small child I've had extraordinary common sense and reasoning, but unable to do simple obvious things. And that's just what my parents are telling me, I really have no idea what im doing wrong because in my eyes im doing everything right, and trying so hard. I just end up missing something that was so obvious. I couldnt count how many Physical therapists/doctors have said ADD, I passed it off as BS every time, but im learning the hard way that theyre probably right, and at first I wanted nothing to do with the medication, but now i want it more than anything in the world. So i told mom, and every day or every other day she says "Ill call tommorrow!" And then 2 tommorrows later... Shes still sittin on her ass at the computer playing Farmville on facebook. Wtf? She keeps telling me, Shut up Harley, Ill call! Yeah, WHEN?

I have F's in several classes. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD!
Not once did a teacher tell me I wasnt doing too hot. How am I missing all these problems and them NOT tell me? How am i suppossed to even suspect im failing when my teachers are telling me that im doing a GOOD JOB? When i ask a teacher for help they tell me to stay after school. When i do, they just scribble down an example on paper. The next morning i come in and tell them i STILL havent figured it out... they say "I dont know what to tell ya, Ask a classmate"

And I cant do ANYTHING. I cant even make a freaking sandwhich without accidently walking away and forgetting about it when its half made. How the heck is that possible? I dont know, mom just comes home and asks why theres bread and crap laying on the counter drying out. And somehow I keep putting things in the toaster and just forgetting about it.

Im still trying to do that All Watchers Feature thing, but its HARD. I get confused and have to take a break. Alot. And it was 500, now its over 600. And i need to reply to comments, but even though i replied to a hundred of them im back up to almost 500. God knows how long ago my oldest comment on the list was.

Mom tells me that im wasting away to nothing... Well maybe if shed get off the computer and CALL like she SAID instead of telling me shes BUSY every time i remind her. I've tried to get better without Meds, now im giving up. I want this ADD to chill out so i can too.

How am i suppossed to focus on my own life when im too busy watching everyone else rot away? I didnt even know that was happening. I see every struggle inside all of them, from my Dad to my 10 year old Brother's, but i dont see my own. Untill now.

And You all have been so kind to me, i wish i could repay EVERY body. In fact i wish i could be just like all of you. It just blows my mind how caring and compasssionate some have been to me. Thank you all so much.
Recently, my good friend and inspiration *iinky-paws Created this Group in my honor,
I'm stunned. That was such an amazingly kind thing to do. Thank you so much. I want to be the kind of person that really Deserves something like this, and i want to get my life back on track, but i dont know where to start. Im going to be turning sixteen in a little over a month, im running out of time.

Im sorry that this is just a jumbled mess of non-sense words.
Im having an "Identity-Crisis" and a shock back to reality, and being a teenager really sucks.
Im Honestly on Vicodin right now, even though i dont need it anymore.
Mom hid the pill bottle, so unless i find it you wont have to worry about any more senseless rants from me :C

Thank you for reading all this, thank you SO very much

Im doing alot better now that I took the Vicodin *ashamed*

I would love it if you would all pay a visit to my friend Bandit's gallery HERE at TLKFAA, she is a brialliant young artist, and incredibly talented for her age, and shes so sweet. She made mention to me one time that she feels as though shes being treated differant, less important, because of how young she is. Which i dont understand because she seems very intelligent and mature, I would've never guessed she was years younger than myself.

So go tell her how awesome she and her art is, Im sure she would appriciate some more fans and your kind words :)

Im so angry.
I dont even know why.

At first the Vicodin made everything better, I was pain free, Floating, happy, and warm.
Now its turned into a complete nightmare. When im not on the painkillers im miserable, tired, and irritable.
It's like the Vicodin destroyed my tolerance for the pain that I've always dealt with even before getting my wisdom teeth out.

Last night i didnt get to sleep till 4 a.m.
I wont bore you with that long story...
But basicly I was in a cold sweat but burning up on the inside, My skin itched horribly from my head to my toes (I googled that, its a normal side effect), i felt like i was gonna throw up, it was like my stomach was full of burning ice cubes (Yeah, strange) ...I KNOW this all has to be cause of the Vicodin.

My face is so swolen. I feel like a chipmunk.
And im so angry and crazy at the moment I've been throwing things at the people in this house who continuously harrass me.

And people here seem to think its SO FREAKING HALARIOUS to make fun of me for something i cant control. Like the loopy affects of painkillers. And dad want SHUT UP about how, "Oh, you want pizza? I can put it in the blender! how does that sound Poot? You want your pizza in the blender?! Hahaha! ha! haha!" OMG.

Im running out of crap to do/throw/think/talk about.

Why is it doing this to me? :(

EDIT: I just found out that The Rev is dead...

_______
So I had an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out at 9:30 this morning.
I just got up, washed my hair over the tub, and left the house in my gray and black striped pj pants. When i got there, after waiting forever in the waiting room, they took me back to this small room, but an Oxygen mask over my nose, and shoved an IV in my arm.

That was pretty much the most anxious time for me, and almost threw me into a panic. my head felt funny from the oxygen, and the pain from the IV didnt just hurt... it was the point of no return. Knowing that i was about to fall asleep at the mercy of those doctors really freaked me out XD And waiting for it to actually happen was even scarier. But it finally kicked in, as i was looking at the ceiling. I tryed to fight it, but all i remember was saying "I feel funny" As the room started to blur together, n then that was it.

I woke up being carried/dragged.

Then i woke up AGAIN Sitting in a lounge chair. I didnt realize it untill i heard the nurse talking about it... but i was shaking horribly.
I didnt open my eyes either times, and i just fell back asleep right away.

The next time woke up, i was being shaken and patted (Though it felt like they were hitting me, and it actaully hurt)

I think i fell asleep again, im not sure. This time i opened my eyes a peak, i closed them again because i had double vision... and one of the nurses was in my face. I remember them bein like "Oh she opened her eyes!" and them going on about how hard it was to get me to wake n how long i was asleep. I kept wanting to drift asleep but the nurses kept pullin at me and tryina get me back up. They finally gave up, im not sure if they let me go back to sleep or not, but eventually i was dragged off the chair and carried to the car thru the back door. Thank god i didnt have to walk thru the waiting room, because my lips were bloody and my mouth was packed full of gauze.

It took hours for the numb to wear off, it was so hard to eat or drink, but i managed to eat some scrambled eggs even tho i couldnt taste them or feel them in my mouth.

It hurts alot worse than i expected it to. Alot. Once dad comes home im going to be taking some kind of painkiller i think? I think i heard mom call it a narcotic? I really dont know XD But she said thats gonna turn me into a fruitloop and that someone has to be here to watch me incase i do something stupid.

Im kinda looking forward to it, ill probly have a pretty good time XD

Thank you so much for all the support <3
I promise to reply to all my comments as soon as i get the chance.

But for now i have to go get ready to get my wisdom teeth out.
Yes, im only 15 and they're already Coming in and causing me great pain.
Lucky me :C

Wish me luck, im so scared guys :(